I’m A Call You A Chubby Woman

From Funky Cat, 3 Months ago, written in Plain Text, viewed 3 times.
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  9. Ever since I wrote the ...On Being a Wife entries (A Heart Shaped Box, Voice of Our Mothers and A New World) the funniest thing has been happening.
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  11. I've had to actually start practicing in deed what I've loudly proclaimed (thank you internet, you lovely miracle, you) in word.
  12.  
  13. I have found that that while practice is making its way to perfection it creates ever repeating images of one's current level of understanding.
  14.  
  15. Practice makes for more practice.
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  17. So how does one start practicing being a Wife before one has one to be married to?
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  19. Well, I didn't really know exactly how one would go about this so, I just did the next step and simply waited for the next one to reveal itself.
  20.  
  21. First, I began infusing those lovely Feminine qualities of receptivity and allowance into my daily activities. This filled my vision of the Wife I am becoming with even more grace and hope. (She's an excellent cheerleader.)
  22.  
  23. Still, how would it look if I was doing this with another being, someone with their own ego conflicts,  history and dreams for the future?
  24.  
  25. Ask a question, you are bound to get an answer. Next step... I meet someone.
  26.  
  27. I sat next to him at a focus group on the future of the rental real estate market. I picked the seat because he looked to me to be the most interesting person in that small room's cross section of my urban reality.
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  29. At some point, our personal agendas (besides the complimentary food and Visa gift cards) were revealed. Two passionately driven entrepreneurs in the process (me somewhere near the end, he somewhere in the middle) of reconsidering their life directions were in dangerously close proximity.
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  31. Within the hour we were whispering like teenagers in the back of the class. We ended up the last people in the place and they had to interrupt us to kick us out . I emailed him in search of a cup of tea and more conversation a week or so later. He claimed to have thought of me not but a moment before he received it.
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  33. He sent a text the following day to ask if I would be his date for a Friday night fundraiser. Oh did I ever hesitate. "It's currently Thursday night and a text message, really?" I didn't feel a romantic attraction on any level.
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  35. My Mind had found him stimulating and my Mind was quite resolute, "I don't want to go on a 'date' with this guy, he is not the Husband for this Wife."
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  37.  
  38. But then my Heart piped up, "Dear Mind, although all this may indeed be 'true fact' you are gonna let yourself go out there and practice... until it's perfect."
  39.  
  40. I picked up the phone and sent a text reply.
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  42. Wouldn't you know it, over the next four months we were rarely apart.
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  44. We traveled, we went to shows, we ate fantastic food, we made fabulous new friends, we stayed in for days on end (naked as the day we were born) and we talked, man did we ever talk.
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  46. He did remodeling projects in the house where I live, he took me shopping, he bought me thoughtful gifts, he accompanied me on emotionally taxing outings and let me cry in his arms after they were all said and done.
  47.  
  48. I grocery shopped for us, I cooked elaborate meals, I helped look after his dog, I listened to his work and family conundrums for hours at a time, I helped him advance his seeking and access his feelings more effectively.
  49.  
  50. I did all of the above and more while knowing full well that our relationship was destined to drastically change form before too long.
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  52. Even with no knowledge of the practical relationship challenges (he's 15 years my elder, very recently split from a wife of 17 years and his having no desire for any more children than the ones he's already got) my Heart already knew and still knows that he is definitely not my Other.
  53.  
  54. Still in all, it felt amazingly empowering to take her out of her Box in such a narrow and intimate space.
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  56. She steered me through some incredibly tough terrain (quite a few conflicts resolved, feelings revealed and acts of Love scattered throughout.) With all of my beloved armor laying on the floor I still came through without even as much as a scratch.
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  58. She navigated the thorny moments so deftly that he was regularly moved to express his gratitude. At one of the more trying times it was, "Thank you, I don't know how you do it. You are such a gift."
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  60. The response that left my lips, surprising my entire tear soaked face, was, "Don't thank me, thank my Heart. She does all the heavy lifting."
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  62. We went our separate ways romantically about a month or so ago, though we still spend time as friends in love. Well worth the evolution it brought to both of us.
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  64. Actually, it's a win/win I had not ever enjoyed up until now.
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  66. I went in Heart open and She came out bigger and fuller for all her troubles. All that practice built up the muscles of Her makeup.
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  68. Proceeding now with a swagger in Her walk and more volume in Her commands, my Mind can barely keep up in the romantic adventures She's been dishing up ever since.
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  70. I, for one, love Her new attitude.
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  72. PS - The photo above is one you will be seeing often in the weeks to come. It is one of my parents when they were first married. Well over 40 years have passed and they are still married. And yes, they are still just as cute.

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